Descriptive Writing: Detail in Word Choice

How would Abraham C. Cuyler, an 18^th-century loyalist from Albany, describe Sarah Palin?

On Tuesday night I attended a writing seminar called “Eye of the Beholder: Crafting Character through Description.” The course synopsis advertised that participants would focus “on using description in a selective manner to develop characterization.” I took this class to improve on how I use detail and words to paint vivid images of the past.

Instructor Kim Freeman led her 6 course participants in a discussion of First- and Third-Person narration. We paid particular attention to the 3 different types of Third-Person narrators:

• Close: Tells a story in the Third Person, but with a First-Person perspective.
• Omniscient: The narrator stands outside of the story & they know everything that will happen. (Charles Dickens preferred Third-Person omniscient narrators.)
• Limited: The narrator does not know everything. They stick with one character for a while and then linger around another character. (Virginia Woolf often used Third-Person limited narrators.)

With a better understanding of narration, my 5 classmates and I spent 20 minutes writing about a character we like and a character we dislike. I chose to write about Abraham C. Cuyler as a character I like. A man of principle, Cuyler supported the British Crown during the Revolution and in the process lost his community, property, and political office (Mayor of Albany). As a historian, I try to stay objective about the people I study. It felt wrong to write negatively about one of my historical characters, so I chose Sarah Palin, a present-day figure who drives me crazy. (With hindsight I realize that I should have had the same cautious reaction about writing positively about one of my historical subjects.)

After our descriptive writing exercise, Kim had us set aside our work while she led us through a literary analysis of snippets from Henry James’ [amazon_link id="B0084AY3UG" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]The American[/amazon_link] (1877), Paul Fox’s [amazon_link id="039331894X" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]Desperate Characters[/amazon_link] (1970), Diane Ackerman’s [amazon_link id="0679735666" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]A Natural History of the Senses[/amazon_link] (1990), Jhumpa Lahiri’s [amazon_link id="039592720X" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]Interpreter of Maladies[/amazon_link] (1999), William Faulkner’s [amazon_link id="0393931382" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]As I Lay Dying[/amazon_link] (1930), Audre Lourde’s [amazon_link id="0895941228" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]Zami: A New Spelling of My Name[/amazon_link] (1982), and Patricia Hampl’s “The Dark Art of Description” in The Iowa Review (Spring 2008).

Our analysis revealed that narrators have character and that everyone (author, narrator, and characters) has a filter. We filter the world we see through the attributes that make us who we are. To reinforce this point, Kim asked us to have the character we like describe the character we dislike. Hence: How would Abraham C. Cuyler describe Sarah Palin?

If I had been an omniscient narrator, I would have known that Kim planned to have us do this exercise. As I did not, I struggled to find a way to make it work. Cuyler spoke English, Dutch, & French. He loved his King and country and he participated in the fur trade. Using this information, I tried to describe Palin.

Cuyler would have found Palin out of place, an outspoken woman. From Cuyler’s point of view she could not be trusted; Palin lived in Alaska where she might have made “bons amis” with the Imperial Court of Russia. Moreover, Cuyler would have disliked Palin’s talk of “liberty” and “freedom” from government intervention. In Cuyler’s eyes the British were the freest people in the world; the English Constitution, history, and their “most gracious sovereign” made sure of that. I also scrawled a line about how Palin’s Alaskan experiences made her rustic—Cuyler may have lived in the frontier, but he would have viewed himself as refined.

Kim’s technique of using characters to describe other characters helped me to select great descriptive words. The best descriptive words multi-task; I don't have to tell you what Cuyler wore because I used the word “refined.” As a descriptive word, "refined" evokes the image of well-dressed. My use of “bons amis" conveyed the knowledge that Cuyler spoke French. Along with “refined” my readers should infer that Cuyler possessed education.

I love details and I will admit that I use a lot of them in my writing. However, “Character through Description” taught me that I can reveal many details just by choosing the right descriptive words. Writing about characters from another character’s perspective, or about scenes from the perspective of a character, helps place authors in the mindset they need to discover the right descriptive words.

Even historians can take advantage of this technique. We read letters and journals; we know what newspapers and books the people we study read. We often know about our subjects' occupations and education. Historians learn the details that shape character. We may not know exactly how a person would have described another person or interpreted a scene, but we can extrapolate and infuse what we do know to get into a subject's mindset. This will help us create a representational example of how they might have interpreted the people and places around them and in the process we will use approximately the same descriptive words they would have used.

What Do You Think?

Details make great stories, but details can be more than just facts. Words create detail.

Have you ever tried a similar technique to improve your writing? Did it work? Please share by leaving a comment.

*Photo of Sarah Palin courtesy of Therealbs2002

Journal of the American Revolution

Fantastic News Valued Readers! I am happy to announce that I am now a contributor to the Journal of the American Revolution, "a fun, educational and interesting resource for serious and casual consumers of American history."

I will continue to post high-quality and informative content about history, writing, and the historical profession on this site, but about once a month I will post an American Revolution-specific piece over at the Journal.

Have no fear, Dear Readers. You will not miss a beat. I will announce and affix a snippet of all such content here.

Thank you for reading and for your support. I am honored that you choose to spend some of your time each week with me.

Here's a taste of my new article over at the Journal of the American Revolution.

Bunker Hill Monument and Memory

Yesterday marked the 170th anniversary of the commemoration of the Bunker Hill Monument. It took the Bunker Hill Monument Association, thousands of individual donors, a craft and bake sale organized by Sarah Josepha Hale, a large donation from philanthropist Judah Touro, and seventeen years to complete construction of the 221-foot tall obelisk, the first major monument to honor a battle of the War for Independence. Although a long and expensive undertaking, the idea for the monument would not have come about had it not been for the political ambition of Henry Dearborn.[1]

In 1818 Dearborn ran for governor of Massachusetts. He faced incumbent John Brooks. As a Republican in a predominantly Federalist state, Dearborn needed all the positive press he could muster to strengthen his campaign.[2] So when the editor of the Philadelphia-based publication Port Folio, Charles Miner, approached Dearborn about verifying and editing a British soldier’s map depicting the Battle of Bunker Hill, Dearborn jumped at the opportunity.[3]

Dearborn hoped to accomplish two goals by editing and verifying Miner’s map. First, he viewed the map as an opportunity to add to his Revolutionary War Journals, which Miner had published. Dearborn had served in the New Hampshire militia and Continental Army from Bunker Hill to Yorktown, but he started logging his experiences after Bunker Hill. Second, Dearborn hoped to generate political support by highlighting his service to both Massachusetts and the United States.

Dearborn submitted his edited version of the map to Miner along with a fourteen-page account of the battle. In March 1818, Miner published Dearborn’s map and battle description. Dearborn’s most surprising and controversial recollection was: “[General Israel Putnam] remained at or near the top of Bunker Hill until the retreat…he not only continued at that distance himself during the whole action, but had a force with him nearly as large as that engaged. No reinforcement of men or ammunition was sent to our assistance.”[4] According to Henry Dearborn, New England’s beloved “Old Put,” hero of the French and Indian War and gallant patriot, was a coward.[5]

Click here to read more.

Writing More Effective Beginnings

I often feel that the hardest part of writing is beginning. Where do I start my story? How will I engage my readers? Last Saturday, I attended Michelle Seaton’s “Effective Beginnings” workshop to see if I could improve my approach to writing beginnings. Michelle imparted a lot of great advice for how to think about written beginnings. The following represents my biggest takeaways from the class.

Think About Your Reader

The most important information I learned: Writers need to think about how readers want to learn about what they have to say.

This sounds logical, but really, how many of us think this way?

I think like an academic. I find a topic that interests me and know that I have something important to say when I produce an interesting answer to the "so what?" question (so what about this topic is interesting? important?).

On Saturday I realized the ugly truth about my academic way of thinking. At some point I came to believe that people would want to read whatever I write because I have an interesting argument and a Ph.D. (I said it was an ugly truth.)

Graduate school teaches students to think of their arguments first. Journalism school teaches students to think of their readers first.

I will change my mindset. I want to write history for the broadest possible audience and a key part of that is thinking about how my readers want to learn about what I have to say. I truly believe that this mindset is why history enthusiasts read a lot of bad, journalistic histories. Successful journalists-turned-historians cater to their readers’ desires from beginning to end.

The Elements You Need to Write Effective Beginnings

First Page: 3 Ways to Draw Readers In

What is the best way to draw a reader into a story?

Your first page should contain:

1.     An intriguing first line that suggests drama. All readers, and editors, want to see the essence of a good story early on.

2.     A lede paragraph that sets a scene, poses a narrative conundrum, or delivers readers to a new world.

3.     A bridge graph or nut graph: the paragraph or line that tells readers what is at stake for the narrator. Why must the narrator tell this story? Why are they the one to tell it? Why now?

3 Types of Lede Paragraphs

1.     Scene-setter: paragraphs that draw readers in by placing them in a scene. For an example see Gay Talese’s “Frank Sinatra Has a Cold."

2.     Anecdotal: Anecdotes provide a short, interesting account of something that has happened over and over again. They show personality by providing an example of the subject’s mindset or individuality. See the first paragraph of Sari M. Boren’s “Escape."

3.     Narrative: A narrative opener allows the narrator to show his or her personality. The opening sentence should be an idea that the narrator has about the world. See Adam Gopnik’s opening paragraph in “Bumping into Mr. Ravioli.”

First Line

First sentences should be simple and clean. They should suggest the drama of the story.

Other Wisdom for Thought

• Beginnings should provide readers with a sense of how the story ends. Readers want to know what they will gain from reading.
• Writers need to be aware of what their sentences are doing or not doing.
• First drafts don't have perfect beginnings. Writers craft them when they edit later drafts.

Conclusions

I had hoped to leave the class with a clear-cut formula to writing effective beginnings, but unfortunately no shortcuts exist. Writing great beginnings is an innate skill acquired through practice. Regardless, Michelle supplied me with the elements I need to write effective beginnings and with a new way to think about writing. From this point forward I will think about my argument and my readers. I will consider how readers want to learn about what I have to say. This approach will take time to develop but it will be well worth my effort.

Do you have a trick or tip that you use to write effective beginnings? Please share them in the comments.

How to be a Freelancer: Freelance Writing Essentials

Sometimes my ruminations over how to turn my passion for history, research, & writing into a paying job lead me to think about pursuing work as a freelance writer. Naturally, my brain follows this idea with a question: "How do I become a freelance writer?" On Friday, I attempted to satisfy my brain with an answer by attending a daylong workshop called: Freelance Writing Essentials.

Throughout the day, Ethan Gilsdorf took me and the other participants on a whirlwind tour of the freelance writing world. We learned what resources we need, about the commitment we must make, how to find stories, identify markets, pitch our stories to those markets, and what we can expect to be paid (not much).

The following represents the quick and dirty version of what I learned from this class.

3 Must-Have Resources

1.     [amazon_link id="1599635933" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]Writers’ Market[/amazon_link]: Ethan described this book as “the Bible for freelance work.” He also noted the importance of having the most up-to-date edition because each year there are new markets and editors.

2.     Mediabistro.com Avant Gild Membership: $55/year or $89 for 2 years. Membership has its privileges, which include great articles on how to pitch certain publications, a publication calendar, e-mail addresses for editors, opportunities to purchase health insurance, invitations to social events, and more. (Click here for full perk list)

3.     [amazon_link id="B0012SMGQA" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]Get a Freelance Life [/amazon_link]by Mediabistro.com: Billed as “the complete guide to all aspects of a freelance writing career.”

The Commitment/Disclaimer

Ethan loves working as a freelancer and would like others to join him. However, he did not allow his enthusiasm to overshadow reality.

Aspiring freelancers will need to invest 2-7 years before they will find regular freelance work.

New freelancers will need to devote a good amount of time to ideas, research, writing, & pitching (20+ hours a week) for the first 3-6 months to get going.

Rejection will become a part of every new freelancer's life, especially in the beginning.

Freelancers do not get rich. (According to [amazon_link id="B0096823KM" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]Get a Freelance Life[/amazon_link] freelancers in the Boston area make somewhere between $10,000-$50,000/year.)

Great Markets for Beginners

Beginners should look to publish at small publications before they move on to bigger ones. The more publication credits a freelancer gets under their belt the more work they will receive.

Great places to start: Alumni Magazines & Local publications and small newspapers.

Finding Ideas/Stories

Who do you know? All freelancers should take advantage of their connections to find subject matter. We often know interesting people who work at interesting places. Frequently, the people we know can point us towards other fascinating people.

Freelancers need to think about “Why Now?” “Why You?” & “Why the Topic or Story” as they mull over their ideas and flesh them out. They will need to answer all 3 questions when they pitch their ideas to editors.

Identifying Markets

Freelancers must research publications and what their needs are.

[amazon_link id="1599635941" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]Writer’s Market[/amazon_link], Mediabistro.com, & physical copies of publications play a crucial role in market research because they allow freelancers to see what publications are out there, what kinds of stories periodicals publish, and the name and contact information of a person to pitch to.

These resources also help freelancers save time and energy as they inform freelancers which features and columns are available to them.

Honing Ideas for Specific Markets

Before freelancers pitch a story, they need to research whether or not a specific publication has already printed a similar story. Serious freelancers will obtain the last 2-3 issues of the publication that they want to pitch to and browse its website to see if a market exists for their story with a particular publication.

Writers who wish to pitch stories related to travel, food, or current events need to be timely. Their trip or take on a given topic must be current or they need to add updated pieces to make their dated experiences current.

Making the Pitch

Pitches have a life cycle. Freelancers should look at each rejection as an opportunity to tweak and hone their pitch and story idea.

All pitch letters should be tailored to a specific publication and must contain 4 pieces of information: 1.Hook 2. Idea 3.Details 4. Author Bio

All of the above should answer the “Why Now?” “Why You?” & “Why this Topic/Story?” questions.

Pitch letters should be no longer than 1 page. They should be written in the body of an e-mail. Most editors prefer to see pitches that take up no more space than their e-mail screen.

Conclusions

I really enjoyed Ethan's class and encourage anyone in the Boston area to go to Grub Street and take it (Ethan will offer the class again on August 23). You will learn more than I could ever post here and receive his 5 packets of notes, tips, and examples.

I came away from the class with a great deal of knowledge about freelancing and the confidence that I can make it as a freelance writer.

I view freelance writing as an opportunity to earn a bit of money by writing about my historical work and my other interests. I may not get rich, but it seems like I could create a career where my part-time freelance work helps support my full-time historical endeavors.

What Do You Think?

Do you have tips on how to be a freelancer? Please leave a comment for all to read or send me a tweet.

5 Steps for Writing Better Sentences

I am obsessed with writing. This should be a natural preoccupation for every historian.

After all, we need to convey our fascination with past people, places, ideas, and events in a compelling way so that others realize the importance of history and its relevance to the present.

To write better prose, I am learning how to become a better editor both through reading books on writing and by taking workshops at Grub Street in Boston.

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a class called "Better Sentences Now" where instructor Alexandria Marzano-Lesnevich presented a 5-step process to writing better sentences.

1. Eliminate Vagueness and Ambiguity of Prose

• Look for generic & plural words

• Ask, what do I really mean exactly?

This step requires you to think about word choice. For example, when I write "elite of Albany" in a sentence, do I fully convey that I mean the city's political and financial leaders? Specific and explicit language describes exactly the scene you wish to paint and conveys the definitions you want to make.

2. Verbs

• Ask, is this verb as evocative & informative as a it could be or would a more specific verb add information?

3.  Adverbs

• Adverbs compensate for a lack of development in another area. Cut the adverb. If you can't, then you have failed to build the information you are trying to convey in that adverb elsewhere in your piece.

4. Adjectives

• Is there a more specific noun that would convey the meaning of the adjective more directly?
• Is it the expected adjective? If so, think about cutting it.
• Do I really need this adjective?

5. Look out for Pronouns

(He/She/It/We/They/Their/There/This/That)

• Do you use like pronouns before you ID what it refers to?
• Does the same pronoun change meaning within the span of a few sentences? Or within the same sentence?
• It was a sunny day--What does this sentence mean? Be more specific and convey the same meaning.

Additionally, Marzano-Lesnevich stated that editing is a multi-step process; writers won't see excess adverbs while they look for vague words. Moreover, editing should be time consuming and should be handled with great care. Editors publish prose that contains sentences where every word works and therefore communicates more understanding to its readers.